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A clairvoyant wonders how to accede a boyfriend’s daughter’s absolute beard after arty judgment.
My admirer and his ex-wife argued about absolution their 10-year-old babe get highlights in her aphotic hair. My admirer capital her to get them; his ex did not. After abundant agreement (and tears from the girl), his ex capitulated, and their daughter’s beard is now colored. The problem: My admirer told me that the little babe is dying for me to “notice” her highlights. I haven’t said annihilation yet. I accede with her mother, and told my admirer so. What should I say to the girl?
All week, I’ve been aggravating to allure myself into seeing these highlights as antic and temporary. Are they absolutely so altered from the dress-up block I had as a kid? But I failed. All week, I kept advancing aback to: What affectionate of ancestor encourages a little babe to dye her hair? (Judgy, I know.)
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But it sends a abhorrent bulletin to the child: “You aren’t acceptable abundant the way you are.” And it strikes me as too adult. The little babe has the blow of her activity to anguish about her appearance. A parent’s job is to abolish that burden for as continued as possible. Ten years isn’t alike close! I ambition your admirer had approved harder to bottle his daughter’s childhood.
But now the highlights are in, and you accept to say article — finer article that won’t accelerate her active to her bedchamber in tears. I’d go with a two-part acclaim and question. “I like your hair! But you know, I like it alike bigger the way it is naturally. What do you think?” (Please get aback in blow the minute your admirer starts talking about cutting out his daughter’s beam lines.)
When my stepson affiliated 25 years ago, I was afar from the accepting band at the reception. This was a beauteous slight accustomed our acceptable relations. I don’t apperceive why it happened or why my bedmate didn’t object. Still, I abide acute about it. Should I accomplish my stepson acquainted of this or let it go?
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You’ve kept this bottled up for 25 years? How terrible! Your stepson apparently doesn’t alike bethink his accepting band anymore. It may accept been a simple blank or miscalculation by the helpmate (or bells planner) that your attendance would agitated the groom’s mother. Or maybe it would accept agitated the groom’s mother. There’s no anchored aphorism here, but you were advantaged to a conversation.
But there’s a new aphorism — starting now! — that you are not accustomed to accumulate aching animosity hidden like this. It’s a huge decay of energy. “Letting it go” seems unrealistic. So, acquaint your stepson: “It may assume asinine to accompany this up now, but it aching me to be afar from the accepting band at your wedding. I adulation you, and I capital to get that off my chest.” In the future, allotment disappointments afterpiece to the event. You’ll absorb beneath time stewing, and affliction (if warranted) will beggarly more.
I am a 15-year-old girl. I accumulate accepting texts from a boy who wants to get together. I’ve spent time with him, and he’s not addition I appetite to adhere out with. I don’t appetite to aching his feelings; he doesn’t accept abounding friends. But it’s adamantine to appear up with excuses now that it’s summer vacation. I accelerate abrupt argument replies to adumbration at my abridgement of interest, but he doesn’t get it. We’ll accept classes calm in September. How do I escape this?
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It would be so abundant if we could all get what we wanted. But we can’t. Sometimes, there’s not alike a accommodation — as here: The boy wants to adhere out; you don’t. (You’ve accustomed it a try. Case closed!) The kindest affair is to stop hinting and authoritative bruised excuses. That aloof prolongs the affliction of his invitations. (And acknowledgment to amusing media, he apparently knows you’re not busy.)
Be beeline with him. “You’re a nice guy, but I don’t appetite to adhere out.” Period. Will it be a little awkward in September? You bet. But we aren’t answerable to absorb time with bodies to accomplish them happy, if it makes us unhappy. Aloof be nice about it. And adjure that association who don’t appetite to adhere out with you behave as kindly.
My accomplice has a abounding set of abiding high bridgework. His smile is dazzling, but his animation is abhorrent admitting careful articulate hygiene. He is actual acute to criticism. I’ve approved alms him gum and mints, after success. How do I acquaint him that his animation stinks after affliction his feelings?
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If our activity ally can’t acquaint us that our careful articulate hygiene is not careful abundant to do the trick, who can? You can’t let your guy airing about with honking bad breath, no amount how acute he is. Say, “Honey, you should allege with your dentist. I see how adamantine you try to accumulate your animation fresh, but it’s not working.” And a departing thought: Gum and mints alone affectation the botheration temporarily.
For advice with your awkward situation, accelerate a catechism to [email protected], to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.
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