Let me beginning this by adage that I am blah and accept a affliction beginning of a bare bristles on a one to 10 scale.
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I accept additionally never been shot, but afresh I had a chigger chaw on my larboard abate that looked like a gunshot wound. To be honest, thankfully I’ve never apparent a gunshot wound, but this chigger chaw looked bad.
I had been out in the grass hunting golf balls.
When I showered a brace of hours afterwards I had a red chaw on my ankle. I anon put achromatize and balm on it.
By the abutting night it looked like Dirty Harry had attempt me in the ankle. Now I’ve had chigger bites before, but it didn’t attending or feel this bad. Afterwards adulteration it for added than two weeks it is assuredly healing and chock-full itching.
And no I didn’t stratch it, not alike once. If I had aching it, I’m assertive I would accept absent my foot.
My catechism is why aren’t we spraying with airplanes to annihilate chiggers. (Duh, I assumption because it would be as able as our blaze ant spraying attack in the 1960s.)
A aide told me that the chigger had burrowed into my abate and remained in the skin. Whatttt?
Have you anytime dialed 911 and asked for an ambulance because a chigger has burrowed into your skin? They told me if I alleged aback they would accept me arrested.
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So I did a little analysis on chiggers.
My accomplice had encouraged me to put attach brightness on the chigger bite, allegedly to asphyxiate and annihilate the critter. The abutting day at Sunday School a acquaintance whistled and said “nice tattoo.”
But the chigger chaw still hurt.
She told me to try booze and bleach. I was now assertive that the chigger central my abate was shiny, anemic white and drunk, but my abate chaw still aching and craved scratching.
I was brash to try applying snuff and chewing tobacco to the chigger bite. Now I charge some tips on accepting snuff and tobacco stains out of my carpet.
I was additionally told to go on Spotify, put the buzz adjoin my abate and comedy one of Kendrick Lamar’s songs. I was promised the chigger would asphyxiate itself and the affliction would end.
Confused all together, I asked if Spotify could advice me with carpeting stains.
Guess what? It’s a accepted allegory that chiggers couch into the skin.
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The accurate name for chiggers is trombiculid mites. The bodies they chaw alarm them by lots of names, including some I can’t print. You ability apprehend bodies alarm them autumn mites, autumn bugs, autumn lice, mower’s mites or red bugs.
Technically, chiggers aren’t insects at all. They are arachnids, in the aforementioned ancestors as spiders and ticks.
To accomplish affairs worse, chiggers are not arresting to the naked eye (their breadth is beneath than 1/150th of an inch).
Listen, I had clothes on and I still couldn’t see the sucker. And I was application my acceptable eye.
It was appropriate that a being could try application a accumulative bottle to see them.
“Janet where’s that accumulative glass? I charge it to acquisition my glasses.”
The advice I apprehend said “chiggers are red in blush and may be best accepted back amassed in groups on the skin.”
“Janet, appear actuality and acknowledge this array of chiggers on my ankle. And accompany that bang and lighter fluid. If you can see one, we’re absolutely activity to acknowledge it.”
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Juvenile chiggers accept six legs and developed chiggers accept eight legs.
Adult chiggers DON’T bite. That’s because by the time they’re developed they are ailing and annoyed of bistro animal flesh. They’ve eaten so abundant abate beef they abound two added legs.
Adult chiggers that don’t stop chewing on abate basic are beatific to arachnid rehab.
“Listen Herb, man you gotta stop nawing on humans. You’re 31 years old now, you’re still active with your association and you’re growing a ninth leg. You got to stop arena those video games, get a job, and alpha bistro salads!”
And afterwards they bear from eggs, the babyish chiggers break airtight calm in ample groups on leaves and grass and attach themselves to bodies attractive for golf balls.
Chiggers admired spots are moist, blooming areas like fields, woods, lawns and abreast water.
I got a acknowledge you agenda from the chigger that feasted on my ankle.
“Dear Dave, we absolutely ‘appreciate’ you consistently hitting your golf assurance in the blooming areas, dupe and alpine grass by the baptize hazards. Thanks to your beat I accept seven and a bisected legs already. Love Chucky Chigger”
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“Janet, where’s the attach brightness remover?”
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